Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
After the perennial all-you-can-eat fest that my family and countless others engaged in earlier today, I'm still feeling stuffed and it's midnight. By the way, did you know 25% of food is wasted every year at Thanksgiving? and like most facts, I made that one up - but I think I heard somewhere that the number is something like that. Anyways, it's been awhile since I've posted so I thought I'd give a quick update with time for a story maybe (I can't help myself can I?).
I've been kicked out of my house as a result of some personality clashes and ageism from my annoyingly elitist roommates who ended up sucking pretty hard in the end. They just came out at me at a house meeting with no pretext or any real reason but just a general dislike of me. I've never really had anything like this happen to me so it was pretty shocking and made me pretty angry. It basically all started with this art girl roommate of mine and some paintings falling (no this was actually not my fault at all this time she just chose me as a scape goat) and the rest of the story is not even worth recounting. The ironic part though is that she is now leaving (either on her own accord or not I'm not sure sure) and since there is no lease, my one friend in the house is leaving too since he is so upset about all of this bullshit.
After living with my brother for the past month and looking for a place to live, I am moving into a housing co-op December 15th. Unfortunately it's just a sublet but it should be an interesting experience; especially learning to be a vegan for the house meals. More to come on this...
I also got a promotion to senior executive sales strategist and a $20,000 raise. Ok, that parts not true, the raise was $2,000. Okay, fine, you got me, none of it is true -but just wanted to keep you on your feet. I did however find a girl that I am now seeing who's really cool and who I am having a great time with but unfortunately lives in Brooklyn. So I'm doing that whole thing now going from Boston to NYC every few weekends (or her coming here). Actually on my last trip to the city I was at this bar and this guy started staring me down. He eventually came over and flicked me on my forehead. I was so surprised that I didn't even know what to say. After he stared me down again a little later I went over to him and asked if I knew him or if there was something he wanted? He said no and offered no further explanation. Eventually he told me to come over where he was standing with this girl and he asked me if I could help him. I nervously asked in what way and told me to just relax and since this wasn't making any sense to me and I was starting to really not like where this was going, I just came out with it and asked if he was gay and told him I was not. He then replied that it was impossible that I wasn't gay and proceeded to move in on me as the girl next to him stepped in front of him and told me to fuck off and that he was her boy. Bewildered, I jumped away and started by for my girlfriend, who, this whole time, I don't know how he didn't see her as we were on the dance floor together.
I have no idea why things like this happen to me but this wasn't the first time. I apparently attract gay men (this was the second black dude too). The first one, I will never forget, told me as I just finished doing Karaoke at this bar in Minneapolis (don't ask me what song until I've had a few drinks - oh wait, better yet, don't do that cause then I might do Karaoke again), anyways, he said: "little Jewish Boy, you drive me caaaarazy." Surprise surprise I ended up running from this guy too. oh good times
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Credit the Red Sox
Luckily it hasn't affected me much since I have no savings, no 401k, no investments really, and am glad that it's happening now and not later at least for me. On another note - I've been counting how much junk mail I get lately -like in the actual mail, and it really is incredible. But I actually decided to count how much I've been getting and in the last 5 months or so, I have over 35 letters from credit card companies trying to get me to get a new card. This probably isn't surprising since every body seems has experienced this at one point or another (or maybe I am just really attractive from a credit standpoint). After living in Cameroon and Guatemala and seeing the difficulty they have in getting credit, this is even more outstanding. Even trying to get a $100 loan in Cameroon was so difficult for so many of my friends and over here people are throwing credit at me trying to get me to go in to debt. Then today, at Best Buy with my brother, I discovered that Best Buy will give you an interest free 18 month loan when you spend over a few hundred dollars. And no wonder why people in this country live beyond their means.
Speaking of living beyond our means, I decided to go to the Red Sox play off game versus Tampa on Thursday night even though I didn't have a ticket or the money (seemingly) for a play off ticket at the most expensive stadium in baseball. I didn't have tickets and was driving (which is possibly the most stupid thing you can do near Fenway) and some how got a legitimately free parking spot right near it. I then proceeded, along with a friend, to get scalped tickets at $75 a piece (the face value was some thing like $120). Ridiculous really since I had tried to get tickets in the mlb.com lottery before and was unsuccessful. As any body knows who watched or read about this game - it was incredible. The Sox game back from 7 runs down after every body thought they were done in the 7th. I have never been in such an electric sports atmosphere - I didn't sleep that night. Now I'm listening in the 7th as they are down 2-1, oh wait, excuse me (f$#k) 3-1 (thank you Willy Aybar) in game 7 and even if they go on to lose will be happy to have witnessed what I did.
Speaking of living beyond our means, I decided to go to the Red Sox play off game versus Tampa on Thursday night even though I didn't have a ticket or the money (seemingly) for a play off ticket at the most expensive stadium in baseball. I didn't have tickets and was driving (which is possibly the most stupid thing you can do near Fenway) and some how got a legitimately free parking spot right near it. I then proceeded, along with a friend, to get scalped tickets at $75 a piece (the face value was some thing like $120). Ridiculous really since I had tried to get tickets in the mlb.com lottery before and was unsuccessful. As any body knows who watched or read about this game - it was incredible. The Sox game back from 7 runs down after every body thought they were done in the 7th. I have never been in such an electric sports atmosphere - I didn't sleep that night. Now I'm listening in the 7th as they are down 2-1, oh wait, excuse me (f$#k) 3-1 (thank you Willy Aybar) in game 7 and even if they go on to lose will be happy to have witnessed what I did.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The Herb Files (part II)
After going to Fenway with my brother and father at yesterday's magnificent 7-5 Red Sox triumphant come back over Toronto I thought I would recount a humorous story about my father since it was back in one of my first post's that I wrote about him and I really could just devote this whole thing to him.
The story takes place about 10 years ago I believe. I should also preface this story by saying that my dad does not swear very much and does not take kindly to his sons or their friends cursing either (or at least back when we lived at home).
So my brother had his friend Kevin over and as was often the case my dad just happened to have a project that he wanted help with (on a side note - I know a lot of parents who do this - are they just saving the projects for when we have friends over since most of the time when you are a friend you have to be polite and helpful when you are at your friend's parent's house?) and not surprisingly it involved some heavy lifting. So they picked up this dresser and after moving it discovered a large pile of mouse feces. To every one's surprise (both the amount of poo and my dad's reaction) my dad proclaimed: "Wholly shit that's a lot of crap!" But Kevin was (is) a wise guy and couldn't hold back and so added: "You know, Mr. Kessel, you could have also said: 'Wholly crap that's a lot of shit!"
Even though I would have been rolling over laughing at this point my dad apparently reacted with stoicism and not even the slightest hint of a smile.
The story takes place about 10 years ago I believe. I should also preface this story by saying that my dad does not swear very much and does not take kindly to his sons or their friends cursing either (or at least back when we lived at home).
So my brother had his friend Kevin over and as was often the case my dad just happened to have a project that he wanted help with (on a side note - I know a lot of parents who do this - are they just saving the projects for when we have friends over since most of the time when you are a friend you have to be polite and helpful when you are at your friend's parent's house?) and not surprisingly it involved some heavy lifting. So they picked up this dresser and after moving it discovered a large pile of mouse feces. To every one's surprise (both the amount of poo and my dad's reaction) my dad proclaimed: "Wholly shit that's a lot of crap!" But Kevin was (is) a wise guy and couldn't hold back and so added: "You know, Mr. Kessel, you could have also said: 'Wholly crap that's a lot of shit!"
Even though I would have been rolling over laughing at this point my dad apparently reacted with stoicism and not even the slightest hint of a smile.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse
I know I write about cooking a lot but I just can't help it. I think it's because writing about my faults helps me get over my lack of common sense but maybe more importantly some times I think even I surprise myself.
Last night I was steaming (or attempting rather) to steam broccoli with a salad spinner and lid on top. I was using this because when I didn't see the pot with the wholes in it for steaming I just grabbed the next best thing (or so I thought) and put it on top of the boiling water pot. I then went upstairs to put on clothing (I was cooking just in my towel after my shower - I often go around like this delaying putting on clothing) and of course by the time I came back the spinner, made entirely of plastic, was melting through in several places. But to top it off I had been cooking potatoes in tin foil in the oven for more than an hour and since they were still hard I decided to put them in towels in to the microwave (at least I knew to take away the tin foil) so that I could have towel smelling potatoes which also did not soften. So finally I cut them in to small pieces and boiled them and an hour and 40 minutes (in total) later I had my two potatoes.
I think I also write about this because some day I think all of this could make a great T.V. show. Or maybe just a cooking show where I cooked dishes and actually called people in the audience with questions (sort of a reverse to the norm).
While after spending last week end in the Cape I'm off to spend another week end outside of this hell whole that is Boston (just kidding) in the great state of Vermont where Herb and a pile of squash he will be offering me await (even though he knows I don't like squash...I can already hear him now, "It's fresh from the garden")
Last night I was steaming (or attempting rather) to steam broccoli with a salad spinner and lid on top. I was using this because when I didn't see the pot with the wholes in it for steaming I just grabbed the next best thing (or so I thought) and put it on top of the boiling water pot. I then went upstairs to put on clothing (I was cooking just in my towel after my shower - I often go around like this delaying putting on clothing) and of course by the time I came back the spinner, made entirely of plastic, was melting through in several places. But to top it off I had been cooking potatoes in tin foil in the oven for more than an hour and since they were still hard I decided to put them in towels in to the microwave (at least I knew to take away the tin foil) so that I could have towel smelling potatoes which also did not soften. So finally I cut them in to small pieces and boiled them and an hour and 40 minutes (in total) later I had my two potatoes.
I think I also write about this because some day I think all of this could make a great T.V. show. Or maybe just a cooking show where I cooked dishes and actually called people in the audience with questions (sort of a reverse to the norm).
While after spending last week end in the Cape I'm off to spend another week end outside of this hell whole that is Boston (just kidding) in the great state of Vermont where Herb and a pile of squash he will be offering me await (even though he knows I don't like squash...I can already hear him now, "It's fresh from the garden")
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Friends
I think one of the hardest things about moving to a new place is finding new friends. You either don't want to put the work in or just don't find too many people that you can actually hold a conversation with. So what I'm wondering is whether the majority of people can't hold conversations - and if this is true what do these people do when they are hanging out, or if it isn't true, how is that most people probably feel the same way? And I'm not talking about some stupid conversation about oil prices going up or trans-gender people being accepted in to society - I mean more like who people actually are.
I have made a few friends since coming to Boston. In fact, most of the people I hang out with are lesbians at least 4 years my senior - They call me their "lesbro" since I am the one dude. It's funny that I never got along with lesbians before this because it's great being able to talk about girls with girls. It just sucks that even besides this horde of people all of my friends are girls. It is kind of weird telling people right now that I really just want to meet a cool guy, you know have a wing man or what ever. But then what if I do meet a cool guy who could be a good friend, what do I do? Ask him for his number? That might come off wrong.
Maybe I am having a hard time because some one saw me the other day walking the dog when he dropped a deuce and I didn't pick it up because I thought no one was looking and then that person told every one else.
I have made a few friends since coming to Boston. In fact, most of the people I hang out with are lesbians at least 4 years my senior - They call me their "lesbro" since I am the one dude. It's funny that I never got along with lesbians before this because it's great being able to talk about girls with girls. It just sucks that even besides this horde of people all of my friends are girls. It is kind of weird telling people right now that I really just want to meet a cool guy, you know have a wing man or what ever. But then what if I do meet a cool guy who could be a good friend, what do I do? Ask him for his number? That might come off wrong.
Maybe I am having a hard time because some one saw me the other day walking the dog when he dropped a deuce and I didn't pick it up because I thought no one was looking and then that person told every one else.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
the pluses and the minuses
+ I thought Boston might kind of suck - it doesn't (for the most part). I biked to Boston Common this week end for a "Life is Good" festival (man that company can get annoying) and low-and-behold they had Melvin Sparks and Robert Randolph and the Family Band playing a completely random free show. That was sweet.
- I don't like spending too much time with co-workers outside of work and that is pretty much how I spent the majority of my week end
+ I went to Water Country in Portsmouth, NH and relived my childhood years at the water park.
- Water parks in general are filled with chlorine and god knows how many other chemicals as well as urine filled water and inappropriately dressed 14 year old girls. Water Country is no exception.
+ On the way back we got some surprisingly good Polynesian food at Kowloons - the most ridiculous restaurant (see above) - They had decadent fountains, weekly entertainment (I guess they have a sex hypnotist on Friday nights - don't ask me what he does), and menus the size of Shaquille O'Neill head. Additionally, the chicken on the pineapple (also pictured above but hard to tell) came out flaming - big +
- This restaurant is off of Route 1, just north of Boston, and if any body has ever driven there they know how disgusting this segment of the road is. Every other building is a completely over the top version of what ever chain exists in the country. The McDonald's arches are bigger than ever, there is some Tex Mex place with a ginormous cactus, seafood place with full sized boat, you get the picture - this type of stuff is no longer a novelty but just like the Mall of America in Minnesota, a disgusting representation of the extravagance of our waste in this country.
+ Every one should visit these waste sites from time to time when looking for inspiration in chanting: "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
+ I just heard about some M.I.T. research being done for these cell phone chargers that will store energy from within a women's brassiere from the simple every day movement of their breasts.
- Men cannot participate (except fat man) and women with smaller breasts will not power their cellphones as quickly (or maybe at all unless shape might play a factor). More research will need to be done on this.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The mix was a little bit off that day
1.The title of this entry is supposed to refer to two previous recent incidents where the mix was a little bit off (esp. one of them) but just now coming back from Somerville I felt like it was a little off too. I decided to bike seeing as it was nice out and 20 miles in Boston by car can take just as long. It took me literally 10 minutes to get a stubborn pigeon, who for some reason, decided he didn't want to leave my bike's handlebars- I was brushing him with my hand and my bike lock and he still wouldn't fly away - so weird, I have never seen any thing like this. These city pigeons are just no longer afraid of any thing. Then I got a little off track and had to walk next to Storough drive with my bike on a one foot section of grass (major highway like road through Boston) for several miles to get back - this was incredibly scary as cars were flying by me at 60 Mphs. Why didn't I take a bike map you may ask? The answer is that I did but was too stubborn to use it.
2. A few nights ago I was hanging out with my new friend here who had applied for a job at Equal Exchange and I had invited another Equal Exchange person to join us. This person, who is new, actually ended up getting the same job that my friend had applied for but I had glossed over this minor detail when inviting everyone. While it was definitely awkward when I realized this when we went to hang out, it was not nearly as bad as what happened next. Us 3 went to a bar and just happened to run in to another Equal Exchange employee - but not just any one - it just so happened to be the woman who did both of their hirings - ouch, talk about awkward moment and a lot of silence...not a good mix.
3. What I really wanted to write about was my trip to the dentist a few weeks ago. I had to get fillings and I was already a little concerned with my new dentist here in Boston (seeing as they were completely random but only a few minutes from my house) but decided to give it a chance - BIG MISTAKE. I have never seen such shoddy and unprofessional work. The assistant was falling asleep during the procedure and when the dentist asked her for tools she gave him the wrong ones and when scolded replied: "It' Monday." These are my teeth we're talking about - I don't care what day it is! The real problem came later in the day when parts of the filling were coming off in my mouth. Doing sale's calls as silver bits and pieces came out of my mouth was not easy - I asked if this was a problem and they told me to come in. Turned out, luckily, my teeth are fine but the dentist did reply when asked if it was normal: "yeah, the mix was a little bit off that day."
2. A few nights ago I was hanging out with my new friend here who had applied for a job at Equal Exchange and I had invited another Equal Exchange person to join us. This person, who is new, actually ended up getting the same job that my friend had applied for but I had glossed over this minor detail when inviting everyone. While it was definitely awkward when I realized this when we went to hang out, it was not nearly as bad as what happened next. Us 3 went to a bar and just happened to run in to another Equal Exchange employee - but not just any one - it just so happened to be the woman who did both of their hirings - ouch, talk about awkward moment and a lot of silence...not a good mix.
3. What I really wanted to write about was my trip to the dentist a few weeks ago. I had to get fillings and I was already a little concerned with my new dentist here in Boston (seeing as they were completely random but only a few minutes from my house) but decided to give it a chance - BIG MISTAKE. I have never seen such shoddy and unprofessional work. The assistant was falling asleep during the procedure and when the dentist asked her for tools she gave him the wrong ones and when scolded replied: "It' Monday." These are my teeth we're talking about - I don't care what day it is! The real problem came later in the day when parts of the filling were coming off in my mouth. Doing sale's calls as silver bits and pieces came out of my mouth was not easy - I asked if this was a problem and they told me to come in. Turned out, luckily, my teeth are fine but the dentist did reply when asked if it was normal: "yeah, the mix was a little bit off that day."
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