Getting "after it"

My last post here was back in October of 2019. Hard to believe that's over two years ago at this point and has my life has come a bit of a blur. I never realized how having kids would change my perception of time so wildly. I've thought about posting here so many times during the pandemic and just struggled to find the motivation to do it.

I've decided to take the pressure off myself and just write. It doesn't matter how much or for how long but to just write. The pandemic has been hard for everyone. I feel pretty trapped in my routines these days. I watch too much TV (even right now as I type this), but again something is better than nothing? 

Having kids has changed my perspective in so many countless ways. I have a harder time focusing on my own life, which.I suppose is natural, but starting to get grays and feeling there's never enough time is a more recent phenomenon. When I have time I feel like I need to work on school work, in a career that I feel increasingly sure I am ready to leave. But I can't not put significant effort into my work, even when I am not all that effective, which is sad, and again, tied to my feeling of being trapped in my habits.

I've seen some amazing developments of both of my children and that's been fun to watch. The changes happen slowly on a day to a day basis but then suddenly when they make a leap like potty training for Misha and biking more recently for Helena. I get enjoyment out of parenting, but parenting 100% of the time with repeated quarantines has been less enjoyable. I can't imagine being a stay at-home parent and I am working on learning to enjoy my children more of the time. They are exhausting and I've come to grips with the fact that this is not the time in my life to do certain things. It is the time to focus on my kids and not take on volunteer opportunities or leadership roles at work. 

I've just started a new tennis season and I really am feeling unsure about it this time. I love coaching but it's just so much work and now I will be paying for it with figuring out childcare and transportation from aftercare and everything else. The biggest decisions are yet to come. Getting into ACS (or not) would change a lot of my future and whether or not I need to stay at Decatur to keep Helena in the school system. It's been a huge benefit that I suppose I knew I would get taking the job but somehow it still surprised me. But what I can't decide is whether saying two more years after this one is worth it to get TRS in GA.

I still yearn to live abroad and to change things up. When I had the opportunity to (almost) work at Padsplit I was really excited. Despite the lateral movement salary and position wise it was something new, different. I miss that feeling of excitement and made spend a lot of time this summer looking for new work. Going on vacation to the Virgin Islands for Xmas break recently felt more like a "trip" and less like a vacation. There are so many realities of traveling with kids that make things challenging. 

I'll try to reflect some more shortly on why I am not as sure about teaching (although I don't know that I was ever sure about it) and what else has changed since I last wrote shortly.