Stay at Home Dad

It's been an amazing last few weeks with the Helena family and friends traveling road show. We hit Boston, the Cape, NYC, and Vermont in our whirlwind tour, much of this captured on Helena's blog. We are now back in Atlanta and it's my first day of summer alone with Helena. Before she wakes up and my duties begin I want to lay out the game plan and reflect back on the last few months.

Overall early baby parenthood has been more fun than I thought it would be but it is still very hard work. I've also experienced a new phase of marriage where disagreements of parenting styles can sometimes lead to tension. I think this is fairly common and the difference of our gender is definitely in play too with this. One example, I know I should be more worried about safety of our baby but in general this is not something that doesn't keep me up at night.

It's been nice getting special treatment at airports, restaurants, and public places where people coo and caw at the baby. We can now greet other parents in the street, with children of any age, and not be creepy - so that's pretty cool too. And realistically, even with just a few months of experience under my belt, I have lot more understanding at this point of parenthood already.

So my biggest challenging coming up is focusing all of my attention on the baby and not trying to multi-task as I am want to do. I am interested in child development, particularly that of my own child, but I also have a hard time figuring out what I can do with her. Unlike children speak and communicate their needs, the direct feedback I get is based on facial reactions and gut instinct. The long-term effects of tummy time, nonsense conversations, playing Mozart or other classical music, or explaining & narrating my life for Helena are impossible to analyze in the moment. But I guess I should close the computer, turn off Netflix, and stop washing dishes or folding laundry at least some of the time and trust the science. It's funny but when you break it down with how much sleeping Helena does these days there's really very little "alert" time with her in a given day.

So a few ideas for the next 6 weeks with her and for myself, acknowledging that I may or may not accomplish even half of these things and I'll probably come back and edit this sometime in the next day or so:
Everyday stuff:
1. Learn (practice) Russian - goal -15-30 minutes/day
2. READ - 1 hour a day -> Atlantic magazine catch up from the year and Childhood development books and if I can get around to it since it's been ages, an actual book. I'd also like to find, buy, and read some French children's storybooks.
3. House Exercise w/baby - goal 15 min./day. Time to trim some of that stomach fat
4. Silicon Valley - 1 episode/day. Heard it's a great series. Looking forward to it.
5. Helena play time - tummy time, walks with Sherlock (not sure if I can count this here), conversations, swim lessons, and to be determined with the help of #2 reading and lots of Youtube videos.
Less frequently:
6. House projects - Need to research new appliance machines, fix fence, move/make new garden, outdoor shower (probably too ambitious with this last one).
7. School projects - French newsletter, Quebec and France exchanges, prep. for next year stuff, tennis tourney research
8. New tennis rackets/Keyboard research and purchase
9. Hike - Once a week
10. Ongoing house maintenance - dog walking, shopping, cooking, dishes, Helena blog, being a good husband and helping Maya, cleaning, laundry, etc.

Winter 2017, only time ice appeared that I can remember 

Landscaping with my dad's help after April 2017 visit

Sherlock in front of our actually "peaching" (can I use that as a verb?) peach tree after three weeks on vacation, June '17

Trillers to remember

Teacher vaca. weekend 2016 in North GA at Lake Hiawassee and then cabin nearby over the border in NC

https://youtu.be/yokgoy1zTEo boat rental

https://youtu.be/itfVzp45mDM dancing at the cabin

Triller Life testing in Palm Springs, Xmas 2016
https://youtu.be/vckosh99hcw

Time

So we are about one month into young Helena's life and things are going pretty well. It has been an adjustment and it's not easy maintaining a proper work/life balance even with Maya being off. It seems like I never have time to get anything done that isn't purely survival based. The I-85 bridge collapse has been awful. I think I may have, or should have, 20 minutes before work starts but then I get there just as work is starting or even late (for my first time ever to Dunwoody) because of the crazy traffic jams -as if Atlanta wasn't bad enough.

Lately, with tennis end of the year banquet, the French visiting, and lots of stuff going on at school, I'm often getting home after 8 with little to not time to hang with Helena. Sometimes, I'm just trying to get her to go to bed so I can do a little work, or so I can go to bed early but frustratingly none of those things happen. There's no predicting the babies reactions at this point and sometimes you can spend hours just trying to calm her down. It's tiring work and I am nervous for this summer when Maya and I switch roles.

Surprisingly (by definition also) Maya threw me a surprise birthday last weekend. It was really fun and nice to see so many people, friends I often don't get a chance to see anymore. It's especially impressive given how much attention Helena needs and for her to be preparing this party. It was a nice turn out with a crazy assortment of people in my life including Haig from Cameroun, Marc, the visiting teacher from France, old frisbee and soccer friends, teacher friends, neighbors, and others that we know.

This time of year is always hard, but just one month to push through until the end of the year. Thank God for weekends

Surprise! 

Parents

We are approaching two weeks of parenthood and it's been an interesting and challenging journey so far. It certainly is life changing, amazing, and a sleep-depriving experience as I had heard going into this. Simultaneously, it has revealed an incredible kindness that I would only have guessed could exist within my neighborhood and wider community of support. Neighbor's we've talked to a handful of times and wave hello at normally have brought food, wine, baby toys, and started a meal train for us. When our friend Jon walked Sherlock while we were in the hospital a group of moms cheered as they saw him and knew the baby must be on the way. Beyond that, friends and colleagues have sent us cards, stuffed animals, and other gifts and we are reminded everyday how joyous the life of a new human being is.

But all of this also reminds us about the privileged life we lead and how our new little girl, who we named Helena after my grandmother Hellen, also has quite the head start in life. Helena has two parents, in-laws and other family to help, a duala, and if she needed it lactation consultants. This is all of course in addition to the meal trains from friends, baby registries, and safe nice houses with educated parents who can take time off from work and research best practices and where and how to get help. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of stuff to learn (see this video for a good example) and by no means are we doing this "right" as first time parents relying heavily on the advice of YouTube and other parents who each have different babies. But we are making an effort certainly and we try not to let her (or ourselves) cry too much without giving her attention.

Speaking of crying and it's invariable lack of sleep, it is exhausting and probably the hardest parts of this. I'm doing ok. I don't mind changing diapers or putting her clothing on; obviously Maya has the much harder part with the feeding. Getting out for a few pick-up games of soccer and tennis after the first week or so locked inside was liberating. But the idea of putting my life truly aside for another human being is a new idea that will take some time getting used to. I am ok with giving up some things in my life and I can't think of anything more meaningful than this but I think as she grows up I will have much tougher choices to face between what I do for her and what I do for me.

Papa Kessel

My life has taken a big turn here with the birth of a child, still to be named (a source of anxiety). We don't want to make the same mistake my parents made with me by naming me something (I guess) they weren't sure about and then having to change the name shortly after. My brother joked that we should name her Natalie after my original namesake Nathan. We also thought seeing the baby would help but it hasn't really except in helping us eliminating a few names since she doesn't look, for example, like a Sapphira (too bad as Phire would be a bad ass nickname).

The birthing process was a unique, interesting, and challenging event. It was hard to see Maya in such pain. It took about 18 hours and of course when we left for the hospital neither of us were really ready but they say you never are. It was a scary time but having the Doula Colleen was certainly helpful and I don't know if we could do it again whether we'd do anything differently. Maya went back and forth with the need of the epidural and during the most intense contractions kept saying she couldn't do it anymore but she pushed pretty far into it naturally.

For most of the birth I was mostly just speechless, not sure what to say, wanting to help, but really doing very little as obviously Maya does/did all the work. I did little things like offer encouragement, give her ice chips, massage her shoulders a bit, grab a wet cloth to put on her forehead, and ask questions to make sure we felt good about everything. The hectic-ness of birth this was a challenge, especially with the decelerating heart beat episodes. She came in with everything moving quickly but overnight it really slowed down.

When the baby finally came everybody was exhausted. The quick and easy birth that we had hoped for did not happen, but at least we didn't have to any major interventions and/or need to do a c-section. I was impressed with the help at the hospital and by the end we assembled a pretty big team (maybe 6-8 people). It was both a relief and a surprise to see the baby finally come out. She came out at 6 lbs. 10 oz. and 19 inches and pretty with lots of hair.  I was shocked by how normal she seemed and not at all alien-like as a I expected being all wrinkly and smushed face. I also for some reason thought it would be a boy and that he or she would look like one of us. But so far she is cute and so little and I am proud to be a father and it is still all hitting me.

Now, it's time to start learning how to do this. I really don't know anything about girls...

A visit from a friend

This is a few months old now but it's a nice glimpse of time into our household and lives at this moment. Sherlock being Sherlock, Haig our Cameroonian newly arrived immigrant living with us, and a visit from our Orthodox Jewish friends Heshie, Avigail, and family.

Teacher Lobbying

It's shocking to me how many people were at the capital this past Thursday. It was my first time experiencing political lobbying and engaging on the ground with my state representatives. As the legislative session comes to a close it seems others had the same idea.

The Georgia Association of Educators, the GA equivalent of a union (since we are a right-to-work state and this is the best we can do), tries to promote public education in a climate which is not always receptive. Working in education in the South is interesting and challenging as our state lags behind all of the New England states where I grew up. I think my day-to-day experience working in the classroom is very different than the experience of the policy wonks and politicians who perhaps very rarely set foot in a classroom. This is a common critique of educational policy makers and has especially become more prominent with the appointment of our new secretary of education Betsy school vouchers Devos.  

My experience at the capital with GAE was somehow was invigorating, frustrating, informative, and inefficient all at once. As I had never done something like this, it was a cool thing to do and perhaps, as a non-committed career teacher, a once-in-a-life-time opportunity. I came away from the day feeling like I probably did not accomplish much and I'm not sure I'll do it again. But that might just be the normal experience engaging in the democratic process as a minority citizen and the alternative of not doing anything and disengaging is a worse alternative. Most teachers are not part of the union, or I should association, in Georgia and my impression is most of them do not engage with the political side of things. It's not that we don't care, it's just that we are somewhat disconnected from the process and only when something truly big is happening do we care. The majority of us (especially non-activist types) are too busy to connect with the policy process on an ongoing basis even if it does effect our day-to-day classroom teaching experience. Mostly we just grumble and complain about the decline in education, lack of support and resources, and latest annoyance and frustration with our students. I would not call teaching a thankless task but we are part of a much larger system in which, to be a bit hackneyed, we are all just small cogs in the larger wheel.

Back the capital last Thursday, I assumed incorrectly that most of the other people at the capital would be lobbyists. One thing that seemed to make the day so busy was the number of people, who, unlike me, actually got to come to the capital on a somewhat regular basis as part of their job. The number of causes and people from different places was really surprising. G.A.E. gave us a big list of the current legislation of educational bills they were watching that we might want to take positions on before marching into the capital. 

I also experienced a very rude encounter with a man who accused me of "cheating" because I had jumped the line to speak with my senator. This is referred to as "working the ropes." But as far as the "cheating" accusation, I had no idea what was going on in all of the chaos and confusion of trying to speak to my representative. It turned out that you had to wait in a very long line to give a small piece of paper with the name of the senator or representative that you wanted to see. Once they register who you want to see (a secretary of sorts), they give your slip to a young girl or boy page who gets the person you want to see from out of the assembly. 

It was fun getting to speak to my senator although ironically I actually already knew who she was and she's very progressive. I found out that later that day the bill I was concerned about and in opposition to- the new Opportunity School Districts bill called the Chief Turnaround Officer plan, advanced that afternoon much to my chagrin. Again, I'm not sure how much this work does but I was glad to see so many citizens getting in on the ground floor of our democracy. Even Trump can't stop that.
Posing on the steps inside the Capital


Busy day at the capital


Working the ropes


Senator Nann Orroch and myself posing for a photo 
The Senate debate room