Paying for Sex

Trying couch surfing with Bramuel (the non-white guy), out in Mombasa

Mombasa 

No I did not pay for sex but now that I have your attention I want to talk about the Kenyan coast and prostitutes. Its actually something that stands out in my mind about the place. Ok yes of course there's prostitutes in other places in East Africa, everywhere for that matter, but they were unusually aggressive in Mombasa this last week. But lets rewind a bit first to talk basics.

What is a prostitute?
Someone who gets paid to have sex right? Well yes usually but in what way? Being on the Kenya coast actually has made me rethink this seemingly simple question. Woman at clubs around East Africa have asked me to "buy them a Guinness" as they usually put it. That certainly doesn't make a woman a prostitute but it may ring an alarm here. Furthermore, woman may be dressed as business professionals, casual club type people, or in a very promiscuous outfit. As Dave Chappell's famous skit about skimpy looking woman says, you just can't tell who's who and that's especially true here. But there's a deep belief in many places here that basically any single woman at a club is a prostitute...and by some definitions they could be right. In some cases a man is expected to take care of a woman and buy her some food, drinks, maybe even some gifts. In other cases just the taxi ride home the next day suffices, except as my friend told me you might add like $20 to the normal cab fee. "Wait what?!" I said to him, "how is that different than paying for sex" to which he tells me that it difference because it's not like they demand money first before they'll have sex with you. But to me what difference does it really make to pay before or after after sex? Some restaurants in certain places you pay first and others you pay after. In general, sex is casual and people are more open seeming here about it and the same Western stigma might not apply here.

But back to the present, all of this all makes dancing with girls at clubs particularly tricky and sometimes very awkward. Many of the woman without men are beautiful. But being a white man it's more complicated. You may be approached by many girls in one night, knowing that many (most?) woman without man are prostitutes, and unless (or even if) you're Brad Pit, you should be suspicious. Why am I being approached? So even if they don't ask for anything they might be prostitutes. "Don't be fooled," my friend tells me. They might even buy you a beer sometimes!"

Making a long term investment

...is how my friend put it. When woman see a mazungu (white) man they think about the long-term so they might not ask anything of you, according to my friend. But I told him even in the Western world there's some expectation that a man takes care of his woman. Apparently it's different though when a woman expects a visa out of a relationship. But then going back to the original question, does that make her a prostitute? Well certainly not by traditional definitions. But it may come down to what these woman do normally to earn some income and do they otherwise sleep with men for money?

Tricky questions, tricky answers but in the end the experience here is, while at times awkward, good because it humanizes prostitutes and blurs the lines around traditional thinking. So do I dance with someone that I think doesn't look like the type of lady that would dance with me normally? Just because a prostitute may want money doesn't mean they might not enjoy dancing just like anyone else.