Top 25 East Africa Assumptions

(Originally this post was "Third World Problems for a 1st world person" but that seemed even more stupid)

I constantly find myself assuming in Africa. I know it's wrong but it really is hard not to assume. Unfortunately my assumptions are often for the worse and I have to remind myself constantly to give everyone a chance and not immediately assume.

I assume....

1. It will take longer to get there than they tell my and there will be numerous problems along the way including inexplicable one hour stops and malfunctioning equipment.
2. I can't pay with a credit card and locals will never have credit cards.
3. 90% of my eating choices will include 90% of the same starchy items present in any East African buffet. 
4. Someone will nod yes when they don't understand or otherwise provide me with wrong information. They will not admit when they don't know.
5. I will be annoyed by the music on a mutatu (bus/Dala Dala) because it is A) too loud B) religious C) bad D) same five songs over and over or E) all of the above.
6. Everyone in the streets will remind me I'm white ("muzungu" in case I forget) and children will stare. 
7. There is no schedule or way to call ahead and nothing is posted online. You have to go in-person
8. If it rains all transport and work will either slow down or stop completely and the electricity is likely to go out 
9. Someone will reach over my shoulder (because they are cold or don't like the wind to close my window on the bus despite the fact that it's usually blazing hot. 
10. The bus will have a crazy horn that it will use without rhyme or reason.
11. If I'm in a Muslim area the mosque will wake me up with exceedingly loud call-to-prayers.
12. You don't have an email address but somehow you have facebook.
13. You don't have airtime so you somehow think it's ok to "beep" me.
14. Crossing the street in Kampala will be terrifying and life threatening. 
15. The menu at the restaurant is not the "menu." Additionally, you'll be asked what you want when there is no choice. For example, I one time got ice cream and was asked if I wanted strawberry, chocolate, or vanilla and was told the first two I asked for "weren't there" and only then was offered the last one. 
16. I will get cut in a line and no one will think anything of it. 
17. The birds will be annoyingly loud (especially in Kampala).
18. My motorcycle taxi driver will smell like alcohol (and possibly be drunk or high).
19. It will often smell vaguely like fish and more often like burning trash.
20. Someone is trying to cheat me. 
21. You are exceedingly friendly because you want something. 
22. A single woman at a club wearing a tight dress is a prostitute.
23. The man standing up in the front of the bus is preaching.
24. The hotel I'm staying at will have someone sweeping the floors at 7 am and it will be surprisingly loud and annoying
25. Despite the fact it's an English colony we won't understand each other

I'm sure I'm forgetting many but this is a pretty good list. It will bring me many years of good nostalgia.